Escaped Chimp ‘Sue’ Fulfills Fantasy: Scares People onto Roof, Beats on Cop Car

20 Oct

Sue SMASH!

A 300 pound chimpanzee named Sue caused a bit of a hubbub yesterday in Kansas City.  As reported by KMBC, the midday escapade was quite a “bizarre lunch hour”.  Here are some highlights:

…the chimp began pounding on his front door. The pounding shook the house. Michael Abron and his girlfriend were so concerned that the chimp would knock down the door or break windows that they scrambled to their roof. Abron armed himself with a weapon. “Oh my God, it was crazy!” Abron exclaimed.

A chimp pounding on the door?  Roof scrambling?  Weapons?  Tell me more!

The chimp at one point jumped up and down on a patrol car, busting the window.

I’ve always wanted to do that.  I wonder what Ice-T would have to say.  Anything else?

Animal control officers shot the chimp with a tranquilizer dart, but it was ineffective.

Damn straight it was.  You aren’t taking down a chimp with one lousy tranquilizer dart, especially when it’s in a cop-fueled hate rage.  What you do is simply open a cage for it to climb into.  Which it did.

There’s some pretty cool footage of the cop car smashing right here

You don’t want to miss it!

–Cap’n Blackjack

Okay Folks, It’s The First Annual Franklin Park Zoo Awards!

12 Oct

There we are, the Limejuiceboy and Cap’n Blackjack, on assignment at Boston’s Franklin Park Zoo for you, our loyal ape-obsessed readers. Because getting to know monkeys means getting to meet monkeys.

And we were most definitely up for the challenge.

We saw birds.  We saw giant cats.  We saw prairie dogs, rabbits, and bats!  And, of course, we saw monkeys.  If we could have reached through the glass to give them ribbons, we would have, but since we couldn’t without creating a tsunami of simian survival, I give you this:

The First Annual Franklin Park Zoo Awards!

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A Zookeeper’s Tale.

12 Oct

Paul steered his faded light blue ’49 Harvester KB-2 pickup truck down the slithering backroad he took most mornings. The vibrant colors of dead leaves drying from the previous nights rainstorm scooped across the pavement behind Paul’s tires. It was a gorgeous early October morning, warm enough for Paul to consider wearing his t-shirt. But he decided against it.

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Charlie the Smoking Chimp Dead at 52

7 Oct

Charlie the chimp, best known for sucking down cigarettes, has died in Mangaung Zoo in South Africa at the ripe old age of 52.  It’s a sad day.  And a lesson to all you kids out there.  Don’t smoke!

Charlie picked up the habit from conscientious South Africans who tossed their butts into his enclosure.  Which, you know, is really classy and level-headed stuff.  Not only are most of these animals endangered, but they’re living in captivity.  What’s a few lit cigarette butts to them?  Who cares?  Let’s make their lives as miserable as possible, right?  Hey kids, you watching?  Watching mommy and daddy?  Hey, stop crying.  Here, have a smoke.

Charlie soon began to mimic the hand motions of smokers by putting two fingers to his lips in order to procure more smokes and return to that place he loved best:  flavor country.  This led to more tasty butts, but also a fair amount of outrage from animal rights activists.  (Duh!)  The zoo then attempted to cut off his supply of cigs completely, but to no avail.  He kept on smoking until the day he died.

Surprisingly Charlie lasted ten years longer than the normal life expectancy of chimpanzees.  Which just goes to show that George Burns was on to something. 

Still, for all the joking I do about how awesome smoking monkeys are, I can’t help but see every washed-up middle-aged has-been outside every dive bar across America in Charlie’s mannerisms.  Smoking’s all he had to look forward to.  Well, that and his Marlboro miles.

When just smoking butts isn't enough.

Which makes me wonder…  Anyone know if he redeemed those?  I could really use a new duster.

–Cap’n Blacklung

Related Article:  Famouse Smoking Chimpanzee Dies at 52

Chimps Ahoy is Going to the Zoo! Send Us Your Questions!

6 Oct

Yep, you read that right.  The Limejuiceboy, Admiral Ape, and I are headed to the zoo this weekend to get some much-needed primate face time.  The Franklin Park Zoo in Boston, Massachusetts is our destination where gorillas are the name of the game.  According to the zoo’s website:

Visitors will not want to miss the indoor gorilla exhibit – the most innovative and intimate indoor gorilla exhibit in the world.

Getting intimate with gorillas?  Sign.  Me.  Up!

Gross

But those of us at Chimps Ahoy need help from you, our loyal, sexy readers.  We need questions!  Questions about monkeys, gorillas, and primates to ask the zoo’s friendly zookeepers.

Are you interested in the love lives of gorillas?  How about their bowel movements?  Or are other monkeys and their poo-flinging more your speed?  Let us know!  We’ll get the answers you’re craving.  Just drop us a comment below!

–Cap’n Blackjack

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest monkey of them all?

30 Sep

Me

A new report came out that shows for the first time, we humans observed that monkeys can in fact recognize themselves in a mirror.

Before that, only chimpanzees, elephants and dolphins had that unique ability of being self-aware.

Now, those rhesus macaques, which we have talked about here at Chimps Ahoy! quite often, see themselves in reflections without thinking it’s another monkey and therefore an intruder.

So what do the monkeys want to check out when they look at themselves in the mirror?

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New Delhi’s Got Monkey Security Guards! Your Move, America

29 Sep

New Delhi, India is hosting the Commonwealth Games.  It’s like a mini-Olympics with the swimming, and the running, and the whatnot.  But there’s a serious problem threatening to ruin all the fun at the games…

Monkeys!

They’re everywhere in New Delhi.  They invade government buildings, homes, and now Commonwealth Game venues.  It’s a real pain in the baboon ass.  But the New Delhi Municipal Council (NDMC) has come up with an inventive solution to keep the simian pests at bay.

Monkey security guards!  Huzzah!

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Monkey Dolls: My Eyes are Burning!

23 Sep

The habitat for our simian friends is shrinking across the globe.  Many are endangered and on the brink of extinction.  It’s all very upsetting.  But THIS:

…is NOT the answer.

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King Kong Lives! On Broadway?

22 Sep

Like television and film, it appears that Broadway has now given up on financing new and fresh ideas for the safety and security of known properties, fearful of investing a large sum of money on the unknown.   It’s a disturbing trend.  For every Inception we get about twelve crappy, lowest common denominator reboots, like the upcoming Smurfs and Yogi Bear movies.  For every Cats we get a Monty Python musical and even a Spiderman musical (with songs by freaking Bono for Christ’s sake). 

And now it seems King Kong is getting the stage treatment. 

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Poker playing monkeys!

22 Sep

Muh-muh-muh-muhnkey....

Well, not really.

But new research shows that when given objects that have assigned value, in this case tokens, capuchin monkeys “inhibit their natural impulses and make more calculated, rewarding decisions.”

From MSNBC:

The study provides the first demonstration that inherently worthless tokens, such as poker chips or coins, help monkeys to make more strategic decisions under certain situations.

Monkeys will wheel and deal for peanuts — literally.

“Peanuts are the favorite food for all of the capuchins in our colony,” lead author Elsa Addessi explained.

As if I didn’t have enough competition at the poker table. Now I have to deal with these guys:

Do I double-down?

-Limejuiceboy

Related Article:

Poker Monkey

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