Monkey lamp at the Philadelphia Brewing Company

Fugitive Spider Monkey W.C. Fields Back Safe and Sound

After nine days of San Antonian monkey madness, escaped spider monkey W.C. Fields has been caught and brought back home to Primarily Primates.  That’s him above looking a wee bit woozy after going bananas for over a week and getting a shot of tranquilizers.  Executive director  of Primarily Primates Stephen Tello was one of the first to spot him.

“I looked over, and there was the monkey,” he said excitedly by phone. “I tried to coax him over with grapes, but other people started to pull over and he shot off across the road.”

W.C. had been so well-fed during his time on the lam that he wasn’t interested in Tello’s fruit. He was also distracted by a number of onlookers who’d gathered on the side of the road, Tello said, and scaled a fence at Concept-Therapy Institute.

Daniel Rodriguez, a handler at Primarily Primates who knows W.C. well, was able to calm him by hand-feeding him grapes and bananas.

A Concept-Therapy Institute employee coaxed W.C. into an empty auditorium, and once he was locked in, Tello sedated him with the dart.

After being returned he was reunited with his mother Bertha and his sister Rosie.  Awwww…

Anyway, I’m happy for the little guy.  Sure, Primarily Primates might not be the jungle, but it’s definitely better than suburban Texas with its fried butter, midday duels, and unavoidably obnoxious Cowboys’ fans.

–Cap’n W.C. Jack

Related Article: 9 Days of Monkey Business Over: W.C. Fields Recaptured

Tags: primarily primates, san antonio, spider monkey, w.c. fields

Mental Note: Don’t Look at Gorilla Porn

Thirty-two year old John Ridley of England is learning that lesson after going to court for having over 79,000 indecent pictures on his computer, including (you guessed it!)…

Gorilla porn.

Here’s how the Northampton Chronicle described the photo:

“an extreme pornographic image which portrayed in an explicit and realistic way a person performing an act of intercourse with a live gorilla”

Yuck.  And the other pictures he had were even worse if you can believe it.  So, instead of more nasty details, let’s just go over the lessons learned here:

1. Don’t look at gorilla porn
2. Don’t make gorilla porn, and most importantly…
3. Don’t (DON’T!) have sex with a gorilla.

That is all.

–Cap’n Blackjack in the Mist

Related Article: Man Appears in Court to Face ‘Gorilla Porn’ Charge

Tags: Gorilla, gorilla porn, planet of the apes

W.C. Fields, a San Antonio spider monkey, has escaped and is roaming the streets of River City

Sad news was reported today that because of Tropical Storm Hermine passing through the San Antonio area last week, the 40-foot spider monkey enclosure at Primarily Primates was ripped open, allowing cute and cuddly W.C. Fields to escape.

Actually, two other spider monkey’s got free but were quickly, and safely, corralled.

Now W.C. is wandering the neighborhood around Boerne Stage Road.

Somewhere in this area...there abouts.

But not everybody thinks so highly of W.C. Fields and his cuddly and cute ways. Stephen Tello, the president of Primarily Primates, tells it this way:

“You can tell he’s lost,” Tello told the TV station. “You can tell he’s scared, doing a lot of vocalizations. So, we really have a scared, hungry primate.”

Poor guy! He must be terrified!

Then there’s this:

Tags: primarily primates, san antonio, spider monkey, stephen tello, w.c. fields

Michael Jackson Tried to Humanize Bubbles

Crazy LaToya dropped some extra crazy on us, revealing that deceased superstar brother Michael tried to humanize his pet chimpanzee Bubbles as a result of his out of control fame and his growing distrust of others.

“He began to think, ‘Who is my friend? Are you here because I’m this big? Are you here because you like my personality?’ You turn more to animals as they don’t know that. They love you for who you are.”

Okay, not so crazy I guess.  But did you know that Michael sought a doctor’s advice on performing surgery on Bubbles to give him human vocal chords?

Please don't

That’s a whole bucket load of crazy.  I mean, nevermind the fact that you would also need to give Bubbles a human brain to grant him the capacity for human language, and last I checked Igor was overseas.

At this point I don’t know what to believe and not believe about MJ anymore.  But it won’t stop us at Chimps Ahoy from mindlessly regurgitating it for you, our dear friends and readers.

Keep reading, readers!

–Cap’n BlackJacko

Tags: bubbles, Chimpanzee, latoya jackson, michael jackson, young frankenstein

Car Full of Monkeys Leads to Hour-Long Car Chase

Don’t know how I missed this a week ago, but when you run across a story of a man leaping out of his car screaming that monkeys are inside to police before taking them on a long car chase through the streets of Pittsburgh, it’s just too good to pass up.

Find out the bizarre details after the jump.

Tags: car chase, monkeys, pittsburgh, taser

Mishima, Japan Places 200K Yen Bounty on Biting Monkey

Mishima, Japan is under attack!  From a biting monkey.  As reported here last week, the town at the base of Mount Fuji has been under siege from a macaque who just can’t quit raiding homes and biting juicy Japanese calves.  It’s caused the town website to report its whereabouts at all times of day, sometimes updating as frequently as every three minutes, as well as spurring a 140 person task force to sweep the town in a futile pursuit of the animal.

"Is he there? No? Nah, he's not here either. What do you want for lunch? Nah, I'm sick of Japanese."

But now Mishima’s getting serious.  200,000 yen serious.

The bounty, about $2400.00 in American currency, will be awarded to the individual responsible for capturing the animal in his or her home.  Compensation will also be given should the macaque go buck in their house and tear through all those stereotypical paper walls.  Why trap the monkey in a house you ask?  Well, Mishima town officials don’t want people getting too close to the monkey thereby risking further calf mastication.  Also, as stated above, the little guy just loves sneaking into homes to get a taste of kitchen delectables.

So, what’s left to say here?  Not much until this story comes to a resolution, one way or another.  Still, I can’t help but feel like I would actually be excited if a monkey bit my leg.  I mean, that’s something I could tell my grandkids.

–Cap’n Blackjack

Related Article:  Mishima Wants 200K Yen Monkey Off its Back

Tags: japan, macaque

There’s a monkey in the kitchen and thy name is Garlic Monkey Bread

As you may know, you don’t have to look very far to find references to monkeys in any society.

So when I decided to bake bread over the Labor Day weekend it was a no-brainer on what kind of bread I should bake.

Garlic. Monkey. Bread

Usually, monkey bread is reserved for the breakfast table and more akin to cinnamon rolls. Which is fine. But I wanted something to go along with my mushroom leek pasta.

I won’t bore you with step-by-step instructions, of which you can find at Cooks.com.

Instead, I’ll provide you with pictures of me monkeying around the kitchen (no monkeys were harmed during baking).

Tags: garlic monkey bread, monkey

The What and Why of Bigfoot

Recently I recounted my own personal story of Bigfoot; a moment in my life, while not extraordinary, that led to a passion to know more and find the elusive “mythical” creature.  Some of you, however, have asked why a monkey blog, such as this one, is covering something not typically associated with the modern day ape.

A fair question.  And one I hope to expand upon here.  So, please, take my hand, and follow me past the jump to discover not only my reasons for its coverage, but also the colorful history of this great American icon.

Tags: bigfoot, charles darwin, evolution, patterson film, sasquatch

Tampa Bay’s “Mystery Monkey” Strikes Again

Mystery Monkey

By now there’s a good chance you’ve heard of the Mystery Monkey.  For over a year the rhesus macaque has been seen around the Tampa Bay/St. Petersburg, Florida area.  No one knows where he came from and why he’s running loose.  He’s been spotted in backyards and swimming pools, doing what monkeys do best.  And now he’s been spotted again, enjoying the companionship of another monkey.

Himself.

Tags: macaque, mystery monkey, tampa bay